Relationships

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Re: Relationships

Post  johnfmichael on Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:51 pm

JamieRicker wrote:For me it's when they start talking about how good my older sister is doing in college. I feel like I have to live up to her.

Do you consider this kind of pressure positive or negative?

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Re: Relationships

Post  johnfmichael on Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:52 pm

AslynH wrote:i don't really understand the question.

Which question?

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Re: Relationships

Post  Guest on Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:52 pm

Negative. It stresses me out.

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Re: Relationships

Post  Guest on Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:53 pm

johnfmichael wrote:
AslynH wrote:i don't really understand the question.

Which question?

the 2nd one.

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Re: Relationships

Post  johnfmichael on Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:55 pm

johnfmichael wrote:Okay here is Question #2. As usual feel free to continue discussing any previous questions as well:


2. William Schutz was a researcher who discovered that people become involved in relationships of different types in order to satisfy three basic interpersonal needs: 1) inclusion, 2) affection, and 3) control. Consider control. How do you think the decision to be involved in a relationship with someone could turn out to be a bad decision with regard to the need to have control over another person? How do you think this relates to your success as a college student?

Okay to clarify this question...there are a couple of ways in which control can become a problem and ruin a relationship. One is when one person wants to have too much control over the other person. Another relates specifically to college students - the idea of relationships between students and those who have control over them to some extent such as professors or administrators.

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Re: Relationships

Post  Guest on Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:55 pm

Well, I know that if someone in the relationship tries to take too much control, the relationship comes to an end...who wants a control freak? There are times in a relationship when one does have to be in control more than others but not to the point where they are the only one in control. You have to have control of your own life.

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Re: Relationships

Post  Guest on Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:56 pm

I think that i could turn into a bad decision when the person in control is hurting the other person in the relationship. i think that if you are in a controling relationship then that could harm your college carrer. It could make you become withdrawn from it or just quit because of the controling person not wanting you to do this or that. it could also get so bad to where they other person maybe preventing you from going to classes or doing your work, because they are so controlling.

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Re: Relationships

Post  johnfmichael on Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:57 pm

RachealGipson wrote:I think that i could turn into a bad decision when the person in control is hurting the other person in the relationship. i think that if you are in a controling relationship then that could harm your college carrer. It could make you become withdrawn from it or just quit because of the controling person not wanting you to do this or that. it could also get so bad to where they other person maybe preventing you from going to classes or doing your work, because they are so controlling.

Good point. This definitely addresses one concern of one aspect of the question. How does a person deal with something like this?

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Re: Relationships

Post  Guest on Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:57 pm

It seems to be that girls let guys have too much control over them in a relationship I myself have been in a situation like that but I think it takes experiencing a relationship like that to realize that it truly is bad for you to continue to be in such a relationship.

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Re: Relationships

Post  Guest on Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:57 pm

I think it is very hard to deal with a controlling relationship. When your being told every move to make and you can't make your own choice it's hard to deal with things.

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Re: Relationships

Post  johnfmichael on Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:58 pm

mrussell wrote:It seems to be that girls let guys have too much control over them in a relationship I myself have been in a situation like that but I think it takes experiencing a relationship like that to realize that it truly is bad for you to continue to be in such a relationship.

Good point. What do you think about it being the other way around - the girl has too much control over the guy?

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Re: Relationships

Post  Guest on Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:59 pm

well the person being controlled could end the relationship.

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Re: Relationships

Post  johnfmichael on Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:59 pm

Shawnda E wrote:well the person being controlled could end the relationship.

Yes he/she could. But sometimes that is easier said than done.

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Re: Relationships

Post  Guest on Wed Nov 12, 2008 7:00 pm

johnfmichael wrote:
Shawnda E wrote:well the person being controlled could end the relationship.

Yes he/she could. But sometimes that is easier said than done.

If they don't they'll never get their life back. If they don't want to be controlled they need to standup for themselves.

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Re: Relationships

Post  Guest on Wed Nov 12, 2008 7:01 pm

In cases like that you have to get out of that relationship. I know that it is hard to do though but some way or another you need to get out before that person becomes even more controlling. If you cant get out by yourself there are always people that can help you. Sometimes you dont want to get out though because you feel like that person knows what is best for you or that you love them but this is not the relationship that you need to have. You just have to find a way out some how, thats the only way to put it.

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Re: Relationships

Post  Guest on Wed Nov 12, 2008 7:01 pm

OK but if the person being controlled realizes what the other person is doing and its affecting their future, their college carrer, and maybe even their health then whats the point of staying in the relationship ?

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Re: Relationships

Post  Guest on Wed Nov 12, 2008 7:01 pm

johnfmichael wrote:
mrussell wrote:It seems to be that girls let guys have too much control over them in a relationship I myself have been in a situation like that but I think it takes experiencing a relationship like that to realize that it truly is bad for you to continue to be in such a relationship.

Good point. What do you think about it being the other way around - the girl has too much control over the guy?

it's like that when the guy makes it hard for the girl to trust him..there for leading to the girl being too controling..

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Re: Relationships

Post  Guest on Wed Nov 12, 2008 7:02 pm

johnfmichael wrote:
mrussell wrote:It seems to be that girls let guys have too much control over them in a relationship I myself have been in a situation like that but I think it takes experiencing a relationship like that to realize that it truly is bad for you to continue to be in such a relationship.

Good point. What do you think about it being the other way around - the girl has too much control over the guy?

Well normally if a girl has too much control over the guy it seems as if the guy is quicker to decide its time to end the relationship

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Re: Relationships

Post  johnfmichael on Wed Nov 12, 2008 7:03 pm

JamieRicker wrote:
johnfmichael wrote:
Shawnda E wrote:well the person being controlled could end the relationship.

Yes he/she could. But sometimes that is easier said than done.

If they don't they'll never get their life back. If they don't want to be controlled they need to standup for themselves.

Good point. It might help a person who is reluctant to let go of the relationship to remind themselves that, if it is bad enough that it negatively impacts their college life, for example, that they are standing up for their right to pursue their education without being held back.

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Re: Relationships

Post  johnfmichael on Wed Nov 12, 2008 7:04 pm

Shawnda E wrote:OK but if the person being controlled realizes what the other person is doing and its affecting their future, their college carrer, and maybe even their health then whats the point of staying in the relationship ?

You and I were thinking along the same lines.

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Re: Relationships

Post  Guest on Wed Nov 12, 2008 7:05 pm

My friend was in a relationship where she was controlled too much and my cuz and I kept telling her that she need to stand up for herself, but she would not listen because she did not think it was a bad relationship. FINALLY, she realized what was actually going on and got out of it. During the relationship though, she quit doing things with her friends, started drinking, and even lying to her friends and family

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Re: Relationships

Post  Guest on Wed Nov 12, 2008 7:05 pm

mrussell wrote:
johnfmichael wrote:
mrussell wrote:It seems to be that girls let guys have too much control over them in a relationship I myself have been in a situation like that but I think it takes experiencing a relationship like that to realize that it truly is bad for you to continue to be in such a relationship.

Good point. What do you think about it being the other way around - the girl has too much control over the guy?

Well normally if a girl has too much control over the guy it seems as if the guy is quicker to decide its time to end the relationship

That's true. Most guys have too much pride to let a girl tell them what to do.

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Re: Relationships

Post  Guest on Wed Nov 12, 2008 7:06 pm

ya when your the one in the relationship it's hard to see what is really happening. Usually it takes friends to help you realize it.

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Re: Relationships

Post  johnfmichael on Wed Nov 12, 2008 7:06 pm

Now let's look at the other aspect of Question #2 - the nature of relationships between students and professors and/or administrators. There are potential problems lurking about, stemming from the fact that professors and administrators have a certain amount of control over students. What are your feelings about what type of relationships should or should not be conducted between students and faculty/staff?

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Re: Relationships

Post  Guest on Wed Nov 12, 2008 7:07 pm

Being in a controlling relationship can be bad because it can cause your other relationship (family and friends) to suffer. You start secluding yourself from them.

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Re: Relationships

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